Suriaga, Rizamae A.

I was 18 years of age right now. At this young age I can say that I have experienced different challenges of life more compare to other teenagers. My only strength was God in times of that.
Why does, God puts regret at the end? Why do we realize the things we’ve lost only when it’s too late? Why we can’t bring back the time that pass, if what we only want is to make things right? If God will give me a chance to make all of this possible, I will not change the path where I will be but I have something to add, a piece to complete my life. It’s not literally and simply a piece but it’s the reason why I do not still have full happiness.

When I was in the time of deciding, 3-4 years ago, was thinking that I had the right decision. I never looked at those persons who love me and didn’t want to lose me. I didn’t know why I did not realize that. I blame my self right now for not seeing my mom in pain of my decision, my younger brother and sister without the knowledge of what was happening that time. My grandma and grandpa were thinking what to do and say to me, for me not to leave them. Why don’t I realize that? What’s wrong with me that time? What’s forcing me to do that? Now, I really miss them, I do really miss them!!!

I know I’ve lost something in my life that maybe it was the key for my true happiness. I’m happy right now, contented from what I have but not satisfied. If I can’t bring back the past, I can take back those pieces I’ve lost from the past!!!

My mom when I was a child always told me that nothing can be compare to the love your family had given to you. Hearing those words when I was young was just simply as listening but now I’ve gone far but not too away, I realized all the things my mother imparted to me. She also told to me, “Jet budlay magtiner sa balay kang ibang taho bukot patas sa sarili mo nga balay imaw namun kag mga bugto mo.” You will not understand but what my mother said was, it was hard to live with other people where you need to adjust unlike living with your real parents and siblings. She always and repeatedly telling me that but I was a Pasaway.

My mother used to hug me every time I have problems and when she saw me crying but that was when I was a child. I miss that kind a “LAMBING”. She, my brother and sister always woke me up every 10 am in the morning, that’s my time of going up from my bed when I had no class. They “KILITI” me, for me to wake-up.

There are so many things my mother told me. The last words she told me was the powerful and remarkable word he said and that was during the time I say sorry for what I’ve done and cause. She said to me, “Jet magpray kaw pirme, hindi kami pagdumduma kay kaya namun kaugalingon namun ikaw ang maghalong dyan.” She said that I will pray always and not to think them because they can take care of their self and for the last time my mother was still thinking of me.

Until now, my best friend was God I’m not praying for my self only but for my family, my new family, friends and to all people surrounds me. I have no regret from what I become right now. I only regret for those I have lost and I want it back. I will. Now, do you already know, What or Who are the missing pieces of my life? God bless!!!